i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize