saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
