About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You're like the curious george of whores
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
