yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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