Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I deserve this hangover.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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