I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
