Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
