Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
