I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
