Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
