If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
