Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
