I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
