he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We had to coat check the pizza.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
