i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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