he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize