I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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