mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I queefed so loud it echoed.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
