Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Is it because I queefed?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
