So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
