So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
