Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
