I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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