oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
