I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize