And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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