There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Randomize
