felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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