in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
