I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
