my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
