so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
