obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
