Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
