i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
