I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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