I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
