Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have aggressive nipples.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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