i barfeds in our rink
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Randomize
