come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
