I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
