Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize