Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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