I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
