the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
