the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Randomize
