im having a threesome with these popsicles
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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