Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize