So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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