was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Green mimosas i think yes
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
