What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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