It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
