girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
