I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
