I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Randomize