I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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