So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You've changed since you got that strap on
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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