I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
do nipples grow back?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
