I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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