1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
