1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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