I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
