I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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