i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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