My first STD was from a foam party
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
