I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
