The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
