So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
A+ Viking dick
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
try to milk me bitch
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