I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
