you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
