So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize