you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
