im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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