She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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