I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
