Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
