i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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