You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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