Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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