Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
